Pirates of the Caribbean: Desire of the Soul
by The Scarlet-Mockingjay
Summary: Natasha Has to lock the true meaning of love away from her heart for an unknown purpose But an encounter with a certain EITC Lord may change the way she feel. However Will her Cold Heart be melted or will she still be the Icy person who refuses to love again? Beckett/Oc
1. Chapter One

Chapter One  
The Rescue

I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean I Only My Oc Natasha

Clearly; I remember the day.

I watched as the Destined-Scarlet Sank to the depths of the ocean, the ship that I had called home for the past seven years was gone right before my eyes. Frantically; I climbed on board one of the scrap pieces of wood and I tried to keep myself warm and awake. I blinked away a small tear which had formed around my left eye, the bodies of the crew floated around me and I was unsure if anyone else had survived the devastating attack... I was exhausted and the cold wasn't helping me at all so with that I closed my eyes in hope to sleep off the incident, not before muttering a final thing to myself.

"If I see another sunrise, I will be the luckiest girl ever..." Then I was out for the count...

I couldn't remember much afterwards but it was a shout that had aroused me from my infernal slumber. "Look! A girl there's a girl in the water!" A voice yelled suddenly. I managed to see where the shout was coming from but then I had to panic. The wood capsized sending me back into the cold ocean, "Help!" I screamed with fear. I couldn't keep myself a float and the weight of the water was crashing on top of me dragging me down to the murky depths which it dragged down my family and my friends...

"Oh god," I thought to myself as I bobbed under the waves once more "I'm going to die…" I hardly had any strength left within me to push myself up as another wave dragged me under. I blacked out thinking that I was dead but I guess I was lucky. "Come on lass, you need to open your eyes" That was the first thing I had heard, I blinked Once, Twice maybe three times before my eyes opened and readjusted.

I lurched forward Panicking but my head spun causing me to grab on to something, someone had come over and placed a hand on my shoulder  
"Take it easy miss," Said the voice "You're safe now." I just sighed then glanced out to the sea, tears falling down my face. Now I was really alone and feeling isolated.

I had settled down in a room and then an officer came into the room, I Had changed out of my wet uniform and in to some spare clothing. "Thank you for saving me sir." I said Hesitantly, I guess I was just shaken. After a while I had been left alone, After being informed of the Dauntless's route I felt safer than ever. Port Royale wasn't very far now but I knew this time I had to lock my heart away permanently. I guess the shock had finally settled in right now and I don't have any choice. "River of moonshine...I hear your voice echoing, but I'm still alone..." I lay back down then closed my eyes, in a matter of moments I fell asleep hoping nothing bad was going to happen…


	2. Chapter two

**Authors Note: This chapter is Set eight months after chapter one, Natasha has to face A Man who has returned to take over her life again. James has been missing for six months without Natasha's Knowledge.**

**A Big thank you to the extremely talented TheRockerOfTheOutlaws for her idea, Can you readers go check out her stories for me? I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean I only Own Natasha.**

(Italics Are flashback)

~Flashback~

_"No!" She yelled in horror as she was restrained by the guards at the execution. Her brother had been hung for a crime he hadn't even committed, she escaped the guards and forced her way to the front of the crowd and when she was close enough to her fiancé she shoved him against one of the wooden support beams. He was extremely lucky she had no weapon on her..._

_"How could you!" She Yelled, Tears flowing down her face like a river "He was Innocent and you knew the truth!" she realized he him and he gave her a smile but it wasn't an apologetic one "It's Just good business Natasha..." he never got the chance to finish his sentence because she had left and during the night she was gone she had left without a warning._

Natasha opened her eyes and wiped away her tears which had dampen her face, she fingered her locket and sighed "I'm not the person I use to be," she muttered "I know I made a mistake but you can't blame me for running away." She flipped the locket over and read the inscription "My heart is always open for you Natasha, Never closed Never Locked It Needs No Key..." She blinked away the tears and she stood up. She could never forgive him for then and she knew she had locked her heart away because of the evil he had filled her with.

All of a sudden, the timing had to be the most inconvenient when he did decide to show up…_  
__**  
**_~Fort Charles Battlements~

Quietly; the sky begins to bruise. A mixture of purple and black molded into something horrid and the sky rips apart and the rain belts down like music being played, the trademark sounds of horses hooves bounce across the mud and concrete. Natasha hid in the shadows and his voice shattered the silence like a broken eggshell."She has to be on the island find her," His order was crisp and to the point. "Whatever problem she causes don't hurt her." Natasha exited her hiding space once the coast was clear and she ran…

She thought she had outwitted them but they were smarter than she had predicted after what seemed like an hour she did escape them but it was unfortunate that she had fought a lot and lost most of her energy which made her very vulnerable especially with Beckett's right hand man on her tail. Blood seeped from her wounds and she was beginning to loose to consiousness. A darkened alley was the only place she could hide for now, well she thought she could hide.

She collapsed from the blood loss and her world faded to darkness...


	3. Chapter Three

**Author's note: Thank you To the Extremely Talented and Amazing TheRockerOfTheOutlaws for the review and this is a continuation of the second chapter Remember me Natasha Part one I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean Natasha only belongs to me all rights to the respected owners!**

I awoke, Dazed and confused...

I was somewhere warm, somewhere surprisingly safe. I pushed myself into a sitting position ignoring my bodies rippling pain which were telling me not to move. My left arm had been bandaged that was the first thing that had struck me as odd, I swung my legs over the bed and that had finally struck a shot within my fogged over mind.

I had been caught by the Monster...

Frantically, I grabbed my shirt pants and shoes. Once those were on I noticed a note and my gift of Norrington. I opened the note and growled under my breath... The note was an old riddle I had as a child and he knew how to put it into words which can provoked me... I threw the note into my pants pocket and grabbed the sword sheath which was on the table.

Forcefully, I opened the door nearly taking it off its hinges. I looked around making my eyes observe the environment I was, My heart was beating like a hurricane In my chest and I took my course based on instinct and I was really scared which In my own mind wasn't like me at all..

_~Flashback~_  
_The rain sounded like a small bird chirping in the fresh spring air, Natasha bounded down the stairs eager to start the day with a fresh mind and a spirited heart. Her Dress sat perfectly on her knee and her dark brown hair sat perfectly against her shoulders she wasn't paying much attention and accidentally they bumped into each other and they both tumbled to the floor the boy smiled and so did Natasha and that was how it all began and that was how they had met the first time..._

Footsteps drove Natasha out of her daydream and she stopped. They were only a foot apart and he knew that she wasn't happy. "Natasha, it's been too long." He said, His smile turned predatorial and Natasha knew something was wrong. Almost instantly her hand went for her sword but for some odd reason she couldn't take it out, she was at an unfair advantage and he also knew it but she wouldn't turn around or run. She was frozen…

Slowly he walked towards her; she stood her ground not willing to give him the satisfaction of her fear. Her eyes locked with his but in her eyes was a spark no one had ever realized. Was it Love or hatred? "I have nothing to say to you…" She said through gritted teeth "I outran you and I outfought you." He smirked evilly "You may have out run me in the past but you have no idea what I have planned for you my dear." She backed off uneasiness sitting uncomfortably on her shoulders he placed a kiss on the side of her cheek and continued on his business leaving a startled and confused Natasha in the middle of the elongated corridor tears floating down her face like feathers…

It felt like hours before Natasha Gave up on running away, He would have everywhere guarded or something so she had retired back to her room. Her absent minded thoughts drifted to James Norrington, A Man who she had thought of as an older brother. Why hasn't she heard from him and what the feeling she had felt before? Was it love? No it couldn't be she had sworn to herself to keep her heart closed because of the past but was something coming back to haunt her.

She would have to wait and see…


	4. Chapter Four

This chapter may get a bit too violent sorry if I offend anyone and this chapter is going to be spilt and is based of the song 'The lioness' by Xandria I dont own either Pirates of the Caribbean or Xandria Natasha belongs to me

The Sunlight streams through the window signifing another sunny day in port royal, Natasha Forces herself to sit up her bruises sitting painfully upon her sun kissed skin. 'Maybe this is innocence' she muttered as she streched her arms and winced at the pain. She swung her legs out off the bed and headed to the changer to get ready. Once she was changed into a loose white linen shirt, Her black pants and black boats she headed for the door her hair sitting shoulder length and she grabbed her sword.

She padded along the carpet her thoughts trailling behind her in a cloud, She opened the door to her surprise Amelia Her maid was standing there. "Lord Beckett wants to see you in his study." Her voice was very timid as she was a shy person but Natasha gave a smile "Thank you Amelia." she said smilng but she knew on the inside she was going to murder him...

She walked towards his office, for the first time in her life she felt extremely relaxed and for Natasha that wasn't a good feeling. She stood near the glass door her heart was racing which was really beginning to annoy her standing between her and the monster was the glass door leading into his study and she knew she couldn't portray her feelings easily. The door opened and she walked in only to see him working at his desk.

"How are you feeling Natasha?" He asked Still Looking down at his work, Natasha Bit her lip in anger and she began to cry. "Like you really care, how I am feeling after everything you've done! So don't act like you care because we all know you don't." She caught the tear which was rolling down her face and she flicked it away like it was nothing. All of a brisk sudden he stood up and walked towards her, Natasha backed off but she fell against a wall she looked like a rabbit trapped in a net...

"You think I don't care?" His voice became icy and it made natasha froze with fright "You and I are apart of something better in this world Natasha, maybe not to you but you agreed to marry me." He helped her to her feet before she snapped at him again. "I had no choice to agree to that," She movd towards the balcony where the sun had risen over the clock tower then she turned to face him "You threatened to kill a friend of mine and that wasn't fair!" she finally mustered enough courage to walk to the door.

"Consider that into your calculations, that I may have lost a close friend!" and then the door slammed violently shattering one shard of glass...

**Author's Note Poor Natasha And I wonder what has Happened to James? Thank you to TheRockerOfTheOutlaw for Her Ideas And Everything And I hope you enjoy this girl!**


	5. Chapter five

**A continuation of chapter four and there is going to be a little 'Innocent' moment between Beckett And Natasha hope you enjoy and this chapter is dedicated to the rocker of the outlaws an amazing genius this chapter is for you!**

The Afternoon began to draw on; Natasha was in the stable tending to her beautiful horse Maria. She had her hair in two shoulder length braids and her sword sheath lay beside the bundle of hay close enough for her to grab. After what felt like an eternity she finally exited the stables tightly holding on to her horses reins and her sword sheath by her side as per usual.

Silently leading Maria to the exit of the stables Natasha's mind was racing furiously. Natasha picked up the pace so she wouldn't attract attention bura plan was set in her mind and heart, but doubt filled her knowing what kind of man Beckett was. Finally Trotting out of the boundaries of Beckett's manor, Natasha automatically felt a weight lift itself, her heart was free; she was free. Free at last!

The freedom didn't last; she knew in her own heart that it couldn't be that easy. Natasha surveyed her surroundings before a voice broke the fragile silence within Natasha's heart and she flinched with fright. "Where do you think you are going?" She heard the cold voice of the man who had ruined her life ask, She quickly pulled on the reins and stared at the man who sat on horse in front of her. Questions and fear filled her. How did he know of her escape? She stared confused at him portraying her thoughts but quickly retained them, and stared plainly, her sea green eyes portraying her fears and emotions extremely well.

He Sighed Frustrated with her behaviour she was stubborn as she was in her childhood, He shook her head and finally met her gaze. "Fine, give me the silent treatment. All these years of knowing you Natasha, I thought you would have grown up but I can see clearly that you still act childish." She looked up fury lacing her face and he smiled, He always provoked her especially to see that old childhood reaction of hers. He walked his horse towards Natasha's, their eyes coming closer together before he stopped beside her. "It is a beautiful day to go for a ride, will you join me?" Natasha sighed and nodded refusing to say anything to him.

They headed off but Natasha lingered behind, He had to spoil everything. She felt her eyes water but she refused to be weakened in front of him, her braids bounced along in the breeze and she looked directly ahead not thinking about him only her freedom which was now a matter of life and death. She made sure he wasn't looking before she took the path into the town and now she began to set her plan into motion she was finally going to be free and safe from his evil ways…

Flicking the reins she began to head to the fort, she had hope that they were there and Hope was all she really needed. She couldn't go to the blacksmith's shop that would have easily given her plan away and Will wasn't even there anymore. The fort was the only place she could go and get away from him but one thing Natasha didn't know could become fatal and dangerous...

Thundering hooves pounded down the stone streets sending Natasha into panic, had he figured out she wasn't by his side? Had he figured out where she had gone? She would have to figure that out later all that mattered to her was getting to the fort in one piece. Once she had arrived she had opened the door and slammed it shut frightening the man sitting next to the door. "Bloody Heck Natasha Scare a man out of his wits," Natasha's heart was leaping out of her chest "Sorry Philip, Is Theo here?" She was in a rush and she was shaking.

"Check upstair he's around." he said worried but when she vanished he decided to follow something wasnt sitting with her an he was slightly confused, Natasha made it up the stairs until she saw her friends body fall, He was unconsious and she saw him Beckett's assistant Mercer. Fighting him would be a bloodbattle and she had no hope, Eyes locked for a split moment and she turned and sprinted for her life.

He did find out and she was going to die...

She skidded the sunlight falling into the blue ocean below, falling into the ocean wasnt a good idea now or ever. She felt a gun cock behind her head and she froze, she turned around but kept the composure. "Old habits are really hard to break aren't they Mercer?" she said before she was forcefully backhanded and she felt her knees buckle and her head colliding with the rocky ground.

"Since you have shown up, you have made everything difficult," He spat as he stood upon her wrist causing her to wince in pain. "I'd be glad to see you dead." A gunshot rung out causing Mercer to back off Surprisingly it was Admiral Norrington but for Natasha Darkness consumed her and she was unconsious...

~Beckett's Manor That evening~

After waking up she was uncertain of what had happened, Sudden realisation dawned upon her when she had felt her bandaged wrist, It had happened and she thought it was a dream... She got up and she exited the room her anger welling deep within her soul.

Natasha furiously entered his office, her lips stained with her own blood from the Injuries that afternoon "I don't need you to take care of me anymore..." she said biting her already bloody lip "It's not your job... It never was." She had to get it off her chest as she was feeling more miserable than ever before. Blue eyes met a sea green pair and he carefully wiped the blood of her lips. "I love you"... He said silently a small not predatorial smile forming across his lips "In the way you'll never understand".

That Stunned her into silence...


	6. Chapter Six

Chapter Six  
Shattered Hearts

**The song in ****_italics_**** belongs to Evanescence entitled missing. I don't own the song all rights to Evanescence and their producers**

"You're Back Early, What's wrong?" she asked as he walked through the door.

Scared, that's what she was feeling at that time. He looked away from her refusing to make eye contact, Natasha felt her heart sink as he began to make his way upstairs she followed staying at a safe distance behind him. "Please tell me what is wrong?" she asked almost pleading to him but he walked away not even replying to her and he left her in the long hallway with a shattered heart and a small tear falling down her face…

~Later That Evening~

They both ate dinner in silence; Natasha took a sip of her wine the fire dancing behind her casting a faint shadow of her sitting form, she pushed away her plate causing the silence to be broken. "You are being awfully quiet this evening my dear," he took another sip of his wine and as he placed his glass down he stood up. "What is wrong?" she turned around "What do you want to talk about first?" she asked her anger seething through her voice and her left hand clenched into a fist "How You're actually shutting me out and making me think that you're never going to come back..." That caught his attention but before he said anything to her she had left a smashed glass in her place. Natasha Had finally broke her Barriers...

She raced into her room and slammed the door behind her locking it with the only key that was there. She slid her back against the door her dress skirts floating beside her, her eyes overflowed with tears which ended up cascading like a waterfall and she broke down she couldn't bear to be in the same room as him but one thing she did know that she did betray her own heart.

_Please, please forgive me, _  
_but I won't be home again._  
_Maybe someday you'll look up, _  
_and, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:_  
_"Isn't something missing?"_

She flipped her locket out from under her dress and she flipped over to the inscription with her anger forming she snapped the necklace from its chain and threw it against the glass mirror shattering it with her forceful throw this was all her fault, she was falling deeper into the darkness quicker than ever before… She got up and ran on to the balcony as she could hear the door opening; He must have another key for the room she was in but she couldn't bear to be seen like this a broken girl standing in the moonlight and her isolation grew…

_"Am I that unimportant?_  
_Am I so insignificant?_  
_Isn't something missing?_  
_Isn't someone missing me?"_

"I want to be more than I am, I'm extremely lonely in the world." she wiped away her tears with the sleeve of her dress; Embarrassed by her state and the way she was crying. They both stood on Natasha's bedroom balcony. He stood behind her listening, understanding how she felt… He took her by the hand and sighed "But you mustn't worry, Natasha. I'm Always here for you." He stole a small kiss off her but she turned away. "What if I'm never who I was, the person who loved you…" He shook his head "We are more than our mistakes Natasha, I love you and I'm sorry." He pulled her close, and for one moment they stood together not spoiling the moment between each other…


	7. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven  
the Last Liddell

**Author's Note The Last Name 'Liddell' Is based on the games Alice Madness returns and Alice which I don't own This chapter is set Two years after chapter six. Hope you enjoy this chapter guys this is going be a long one... A Big thank you to the rocker of the outlaws for her help and ideas!**

22nd January 1730

Autumn time was the time Natasha kept herself to herself, it had been ten years since her family had passed away at sea and ten years she had kept her original last name hidden from her fiancé. It was on that day however when he did catch her off guard with a question she had originally thought she could keep to herself...

He has summoned her to his study that afternoon, wearing her black and red laced dress she sighed in unhappiness. The ribbons hung in four long braids two down the length of her arm stopping at her wrists and the other two which supported the back of the dress and the corset underneath. With silence beneath her footsteps she entered his study her heart leaping out of her own chest... "Natasha, I'm surprised you have come," He said finally glancing up from his work. "You look beautiful." Natasha sighed and hidden with the lace belt of her dress was her dagger sheath. "You wanted to speak to me Lord Beckett?" She asked, her voice portraying how weak she actually was.

"Oh yes, please sit down." he says with a calm but eerie tone in his voice

Natasha slowly walks in, her heart pounding with nerves, sweat started to form on her hands, making them feel clammy. Sitting down, she took in the study, to Beckett it seemed she was taking in his works and his books but she was thinking how long she could get away with hurting him, could Natasha runway without being caught? Could she actually hurt him? Doubt filled her as she thought about her plan. Love, what was that? People could say it was something special, it was something important, it was a good thing but could she ever find truth in their words? Could she ever love him? "Natasha are you feeling alright? You seem awfully quiet this afternoon." He asks noticing how strange she was, how she refuses to look him directly in the eye. What was going through her mind and was she planning to escape him for a second time? He waited for her reply but an evil smirk came across his face... "Yes, just...what is it you want?" she asked. A question for a question...

"It's weird how long we've actually known each other and yet I don't even know your full name." Natasha looked at him, the first time she had ever made eye contact with him since that night on the balcony. "I don't have an last name, not officially" She lied, Hoping that he would take the bait that way However he looked at her and he could automatically see how scared she was "Well. That is unfortunate," He walked over to the fire which illuminated the room...

Natasha looked up and she saw the branded Iron, Which was what drove her to the edge of madness. "Keep your nose out of my past!" She yelled as she stood up, He was only an inch taller than her but she was eye level at least. "My past has nothing to do with you fiancé or not, Just stay out of it for your sake and for mi-" she was cut off as he kissed her. How could she have fallen for that trick again, how could she...?

He finally released her, his eyes burned into hers and she sighed "Are you alright now?" He asked His voice was sly like a fox. Poor Natasha struggled to break free from his grip.

It was useless he had her trapped...

"But you and I are no strangers to betrayal, are we Natasha?" he sly voice manipulated and twisted flickered into her ear she sighed in defeat. "My last name was Liddell, Natasha Alexandria-Leigh Liddell I was a captain's daughter," She felt her arms down her side, He'd let her go but then and only then did she feel the tears fall down her face "My entire family were killed by pirates and I was left for dead. If the Dauntless and former commodore hadn't found me I wouldn't even be here." She finally gained her composure and began to turn to the door.

"Now that you know me Cutler Beckett, there are things I still need to learn about you." She left in silence and his evil smile still lingered on his face.

But what exactly was she planning...

~That Evening~

She glanced into her old diary which was marked with her old name. She smoothed down the leather covering the book and placed it back in her box. As she was settling down in her bed she remembered those years of childhood. Those days of not being the lonely isolated and scared little girl her own family have known. Those bright days of seeing everything in colour and not in the miserable black and white world she was now trapped in. Staring at the diary reminded of her family, what she had and what she lost. She remembered why she had to agree to be engage to Beckett, though she hated him. He was what she wasn't. He was controlling, evil and power hungry. All things she hated or simply didn't care. She had sense of adventure in her heart, she dreamed of sailing, far and wide across the seven seas; discover new lands, people and creatures. To feel yet again what life was all about. All to fulfil her own Creative dreams and the daring ambitions of her childhood and to be free. Why couldn't she do that now? She was still young, she could easily disguise herself as a male and runaway...doubt filled her again.

Beckett, he would know, he knew her all too well. Yet she didn't really know him, who did? He is the sort of keeping everything hidden, letting no secrets out, keeping all feelings and thoughts inside; trapped... she couldn't sleep, her mind racing with questions, puzzles and a lot of confusion. She sat up and grabbed her diary again and she kept it close to her chest.

_"And when I got weary, I'd sit a while and rest_

_Memories invading my mind_

_All the things I'd treasured, the ones I'd loved the best_

_Were the things that I'd left behind...?"_

And with that she managed to fall asleep the memories of her childhood living on inside of her own heart and she knew she was safe but time was going to tell…

**Author's Note: The Song lyric Belongs to Blackmore's Night and the song is called Home again hope you guys enjoyed this chapter also!**


	8. Chapter eight

**Author's Note Two chapter in one day! This one is just a filler chapter and a link chapter for chapter one in case anyone was confused hope you guys enjoy! Thank you the rocker of the outlaws for the reviews and your inspirational ideas please check out her stories! This chapter is going to be a flashback of chapter one containing Natasha's Own thoughts and feelings Enjoy! I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean I only Own Natasha  
**

Chapter eight  
A Memory is a treasured possession

When I was A child All I wanted was to sail the seas with my family, I never expected my trip to be cut so short and everyone I did love was gone right before my eyes…

~Flashback~  
Natasha Aged Eleven

The Pirates had boarded our little merchant vessel, The Destined Scarlet. My father and my family were the only people on board and we had no clue on how to defend ourselves especially since we were so young and we were up against villains of the seven seas. Our Mother, Kathryn Allison Liddell pushed Me and Alice into a longboat before she was shot straight through the chest Alice Pulled me towards her as I began to cry then we both heard the sound of metal swords hitting each other one by one. Our father, Captain Andrew James Liddell an experienced swordsman and brave old sea dog was busy fighting twenty pirates alone, my older sister, Alice Louise-Leigh Liddell, handed me her belt with her trusted daggers and told me to stay in the longboat…

I heard Alice scream when she was killed and that frightened me. All I could smell was the blood of the fresh now decaying corpses mixing with the salty sea air; I prayed that the villains and mutinous monsters wouldn't find me they didn't but I didn't expect something else was going to happen there and then...

Gunfire exploded through the destined scarlet shattering the longboats and setting the gun powder on fire I was sent overboard with the debris of longboats and deck shrapnel and all I wanted there and then was my family but now what was I supposed to do now… I tried to keep myself warm, My dress was torn and my coat was shredded and all I had to remember my sister by was her ruby encrusted belt and long sword like daggers I had never felt so alone before and I was scared… I had to keep my spirits up but with what had happened with my family it had traumatised me beyond compare and I thought I wasn't going to recover.

I must have closed my eyes in exhaustion because I didn't feel like myself afterwards…

Voices, Voice are all that I can hear. Where Am I and where was I going? She had woken up on the dauntless, confused and wet. She somehow floated away from the scene, but couldn't remember what happened before or after. It was full of darkness and harsh voices, none she could put a face too.

She felt herself spinning, spinning out of control like she was falling. The young girl screamed and everything went extremely dark, then waking up with a start, sweat poured down her face, making her hair and clothes cling on to her. Looking around she saw she was in her bed, alone but safe from her past. She saw it was early morning as she heard seagulls outside catching their breakfast.

"Just a Dream Natasha," She muttered to herself, forcing her shivering body out of the bed. Upon opening the windows for another day she sighed. "It was only just a dream…" then she vanished into the bathroom…


	9. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine:  
The World Is Not enough

"Peace was never an option with you, Was It Natasha?" he asked as they sat at opposite ends of the table

She looked away from him and set the cup back on to its saucer, she scoffed at his remark before she wiped her mouth with the napkin. "I'm not listening to this, not again." She stood up and began to head for the door, her mind set on other things that morning but he wasn't going to let her escape that easily not again. "I thought I had you all figured out Natasha, but now I see I don't." He stood in front of her blocking the exit and he stared at her like she was smaller than him but it didn't scare her. Not this time...

"Well that is unfortunate" she said with a small snarl under breath, all she wanted was to be alone with her thoughts and not be in company of the monster who has isolated her away from all her friends and the people she has learnt to trust. "I see you still live in that past," He Held her Locket in her hand How did he figure it out. How did he figure out her darkest secret? "You fear what your heart wants you to feel" he brushed a small lock of her wavy brown hair out of her face and he noticed her faint blush

"You don't know anything about me or my…" she pushed his hand away from her face in anger "You think because you are lord, you have a right to know my business but you I don't know what I saw when I was a child!" her hands were clenched into small fists she wanted to punch him square in the jaw, to show him the youngest Liddell sister wasn't scared of him. "Believe it not I thought you had changed but it is plan to see that you...You think you stand so high, but one day you will fall. You are nothing special; you are just like the rest of us. One day you may see that before it is too"

"Is that a threat?" he asked eyes focused on hers in a frightening manor "Ha Are you being serious, this is not just a threat. Just call it a 'don't be surprised when it happens' kind of Maybe but you'll thank me one day." He approached her frightening look in his eye causing Natasha to back off slightly. "Or maybe not" she withdrew her dagger and it hit her mark…

He grunted in pain as she hit her target She started to back away staring at Beckett then at the blooded dagger. What had she done? All her anger was released into the air and into her She didn't know she could actually hurt a man like Beckett but it seemed with anger and the perfect time, she watched as he stood up straight again, holding his hand over where she had stabbed him

"After everything you've done, you throw something new into my face, surprising me once again," He said "Haven't you learnt anything from your past? Your family suffered badly, you escaped, your friends die, you are still a pattern, which is what your life is, and you repeat all of it. You think you can escape your past and me?" "As I said before you don't know anything! You don't know what I feel or what I think!" She yelled and turned around to face the door, dropping the dagger at his feet. "You wish you could change the time To somehow save your family from dying, or to die with them, not to feel alone or isolated " Beckett stated, making her stop cold "The truth hurts, but you lie to yourself each day thinking it be different but is it? None of it will bring them back I am here to..." she faced him her face red with anger wishing she could finish him off "You help? Ha you do nothing of the sort! "She yelled "You have driven Port Royal to ruin, you are the biggest mistake of my life!" "Marrying me is your best deal Natasha, Don't deny it any longer." he said calmly "No Marrying you it isn't my best deal at all!" she finally snapped "One of these days I will drive a cold dagger threw your cold heart and when I do I will watch you die with my own eyes and that's not a threat that's a promise!" She exited the room, slamming the door in rage. What had she become now, What Had happened to her…

She ran upstairs and into her room with fear paralysing her body she entered the bathroom to wash of his blood from her hands, she felt like crying but she wasn't going to be beaten by him. Beaten by the monster that had devastated her life so far, has she fallen deeper into the darkness? And was that darkness him…


	10. Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten: The Taste of Loneliness.

All Morning and All afternoon she had spent with Lord Beckett, all related to either the East India Trading Company or his own personal goals. She couldn't stand to be with him any longer but she couldn't shake of his words from this morning's incident.

_"You wish you could change the time to somehow save your family from dying, or to die with them."_ Of course she would change the past to be with the people she loved, she despised Beckett as he was heartless and manipulative but there wasn't a single day she wished her parents were there with her providing support and comfort for her…That is what everyone would wish for. To willingly change their own past, to make their life's bearable and different for the better. It was her who lost her whole family, not him. She was the one who is alone and scared especially with what the next day could give her, not him. A path full of dread and fear, she led a lonely life with no way out, no short cuts, or any light. People came into her life, but they quickly left, either she forced them away or they were taken away to be up in heaven looking down at her. Would my family look down at me and see that girl they once knew and lost still inside me or would they see a broken image of what was before? She didn't know. She wished she did, but she was still alive without them.

She looked out the office window; the sun was on the westward sky, slowly sinking behind the horizon. The sea was calmly riding onto the sandy shore; through the glass she could it hear it calling her name. She dreamed of being back on the open waters again, to feel free and smell the free air once more, was that too much to ask? "It has been a beautiful day." She heard Beckett state. She continued to stare out to the sea, ignoring the man who now stood close beside her. "Have you thought on what I said earlier?" Again she stayed silent. "Giving me the silent treatment again I see," Both of their reflections stared at each other. "I can always bring words out of you Natasha."

"If you dare to hurt me in anyway, I swear on my family watery grave I will kill you myself." She hissed as she started to storm towards the door and out of the office but she stopped as Beckett quickly wrapped his hand on her arm, he pulled her back and turned her around, making her see his anger, and her fear reflected back. "I'm sick and tired of your empty threats. We all know you won't do anything. Your dagger attack earlier that was nothing but a cut..." she scoffed at that remark but he held her arm tighter "No matter how much you try and fight I will always be better and I will always be smarter than you." Something in his eyes made Natasha's blood run cold and she shivered involuntary. "You think you can harm me, you can't even touch me!" she managed to break out of his grip and she ran for the door.

All she had to do now was run…

She grabbed her cape which was hanging on the coat rack and slammed the door shut behind her; Tears were flowing like waterfalls from her eyes. Leaves spun as her footsteps created the wind they needed she needed to escape from him, that evil man who spun lies like a spider and caused problems for her. He had already pushed her over the edge, the disrespect of her family, herself and he was causing her to feel like she was spiralling out of control and falling deeper and deeper into darkness…

_"Don't you dare look out your window darling?  
Everything's on fire  
the war outside our door keeps raging on  
Hold onto this lullaby  
even when the music's gone, gone_

_Just close your eyes  
the sun is going down  
you'll be alright  
No one can hurt you now  
come morning light  
you and I'll be safe and sound_

_Just close your eyes  
you'll be alright  
come morning light,  
you and I'll be safe and sound." (1)_

Memories spun around her like moths to a lantern, what felt like hours and hours of running she finally arrived at the beach where she finally broke down in tears, something nobody had ever seen… From her cape pocket she pulled out nine candles and a match she looked back towards the manor which was a small speck in the distance and she wiped the tears from her eyes.

_"There is no mountain that I can't climb_

_For you I'd swim through the rivers of time_

_As you go your way and I go mine_

_A light will shine_

_And it will be me_

_It will be me_

_It will be me..." (2)_

As the last Candle was lit she headed over to the longboat left from his 'Lordships' Arrival. Dragging it towards the ocean she placed each of the candles inside, three for her father, three for her mother and three for her sister. The darkness provided the best cover for her little tribute and with one push it had begun to float sending the last pieces of hope with her…

_(3)"Withdraw a step away; just to find myself  
the door is closed again, the only one left  
this storm that's broken me my only friend Yeah._  
_In this river all shall fade to black  
in this river ain't no coming back_

_In this river all shall fade to black_

In this river all shall fade to black  
In this river ain't no coming back  
In this river all shall fade to black"

He stood in the darkness that night provided. Keeping himself hidden as he silently watched Natasha surveying the stars, finally he watched her stand up and she stayed in the same spot, glancing up to the darkness "It seems strange to see a girl defenceless and alone at night, Especially in port royal." he stated coming out of the shadows. Natasha spun around in horror as his voice broke through her concentration "What do you want!" she yelled the spray of the ocean hitting her shoes but her eyes showed the fire of the true hidden liddell inside of her.

Oceanic eyes met his and she snarled underneath her breath "It would be dangerous to walk with you, as you are more dangerous than other men." She slid past him her red dress floating behind her "Dangerous maybe but the only chance you have of ever finding peace." He replied just keeping a few paces behind her. "Peace with you is like making peace with the devil." She sighed and then glanced up to the sky just keeping her eyes exactly there…

(4)_ "What is a family?  
Caring and devoted hearts.  
With endless love to share  
Love that follows you everywhere_."

"You still think I don't care?" He asked finally catching her up. "You and I are both apart of something special in this world weather you like it or not." Natasha just continued to walk away from him humming  
a melody she knew since she was a child. She was tired and in need of some peace from that wicked man who had kept on following her.

When they both got back to the manor Natasha just wanted to sleep of the pain and fears which stung her heart. She began to make her way up the spiral staircase and she stopped. "I'm going to regret marrying that guy," she muttered as she entered her private room "I don't have any choice though I have no one to turn to for help…" She finally glanced out of the window and sighed.

"If you're up there mother or anyone, and you're in the Liddell family. Please give me a sign…"

**Author's note: I don't own these beautiful songs. Song (1) is Safe and sound by Taylor swift,  
(2) is It will be me by Melissa eitheridge (3) is in this river by Zakk wilde and (4) is Always there from Disney's Lady and the tramp 2 scamps adventure All rights to the respected owners**


	11. Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven: The Dark Haired Girl  
(The final Decision Part One)

**Author's Note: Just a warning for you readers this chapter is darker than the others I've written so far but this is where Natasha makes her final decision on whether to marry Beckett or not…**

**Italics Is Natasha's Dream**

_~Dream~_

_She stares as her blooded hands confused and upset. Three bodies lay in front of her, those bodies were her family and the people she treasured and loved… She fell on to her knees, her legs unable to take her entire weight and her silent sobs racked through her body. She didn't even hear his footsteps approaching her but she refused to look him in the eye."What a shame, a lot blood to clear and a lot of blood to keep a secret." His predatory smile was on his face and his hand helped the scared girl on to her feet. Her head rested on his shoulder, her eyes were watering still but she had only him, the monster for comfort._

_"I didn't mean too, I...I..." she stammered as she looked up at him furiously wiping away the tears he looked at her and sighed. "I believe you, but will the others? This doesn't look good on your behalf, your whole family is dead because of...you." his voice was laced with viciousness, Viciousness she wasn't used to hearing in his voice._

_She began to run away from him but he stepped into her path. "You can try and run Natasha but you can't hide forever. Blood is on your hands, people can see that. That is why I am here; I keep this away from the world, to protect you if only you marry me." He moved his hand to her face and caught one of her stray tears she sighed but to escape tis she had no choice…_

_"I… Will marry you…" She hesitated but she finally felt free but that wasn't for long…_

_The floorboards broke underneath her and her eyes widened with fear he tightened his grip on her hand but it was too late she tumbled into the darkness and her screams echoed all around her his shouts were drowned in the enveloping darkness which caught the young woman by surprise…_

She woke up, eyes adjusting to the darkness. "Natasha?" Asked a voice she had heard it but her eyes couldn't even adjust enough. "I'm alright but come in all the same..." she pulled herself upright just as the door opened. Slowly the maid came in, holding Natasha's clothes for the day. She smiled though Natasha could see she was worried. In the few years they had come close, she could tell her anything and she knew she wouldn't say anything but she didn't tell her everything. It was part of her nature, to be careful and all...

"Good Morning Amelia" She muttered dragging her lifeless legs up towards her chin and she sighed half-helpless and Half-lifeless Amelia smiled "Morning m...Natasha. How are we feeling this morning?" "I'm fine thank you, yourself?" she replied stretching her aching limbs her sticky hair peeled away from her face as if it were a banana being freed from its skin.

"Just fine thank you," She replied before she noticed the young woman's face "Are you sure you are ok. I'm sorry for asking out of term, but you are sweaty and look pale." She walked towards the young woman; Natasha saw Amelia as a mother figure and smiled "It was just a nightmare Amelia...nothing to fret. Natasha went behind the screen to get changed Amelia was on the other side "If you so say so, Natasha, I'm afraid your lordship wishes to see you for breakfast." Natasha gritted her teeth annoyed he had given her until today for an answer and her mind was clouded… "Natasha, Are you alright dear?" asked Amelia worried for the young woman's health "I'm fine Amelia; I'm not that hungry..." she laced up the plaits behind the dress and on her wrists before coming out.

"You know he won't take no for answer Natasha, Go just this once." Amelia sounding like she was pleading for her to go and she nodded not before grabbing an apple from the fruit stand near the bedroom door…

"Mother Give me the strength to go through with this. please…" she said walking along the long corridor...

**A/N Cliff-hanger! Will Natasha Accept the Proposal or Will things go to ruin? Till next time everyone!**


	12. Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve  
Accepting her biggest challenge

**A/N: This is a continuation of my last chapter and I promise you'll find out if Natasha accepts his marriage**

The rain begins to hit the windows, Natasha hoped it wasn't going disturb her plans for this afternoon but first she had to get breakfast out of the way just being in his presence alone made her skin crawl. Stopping outside the door she begins to think about the marriage. Could he provide her the safety she wanted? Or was he just lying to get what he wanted? She did not know any of the questions. She hated the man, he was a monster and he will never change. Taking a heavy sigh, she opened the door and walked in. There her eyes landed on the man himself sitting at the table a book sat on the table near his plate of food. Mercer stood next to him, it seemed like they were talking but stopped as she walked in. Both stared at her, making her feel nervous, uncomfortable and more scared. However they went back to talking again which left Natasha to walk to her chair and sit. She began to eat, though she truthfully didn't feel hungry. She could only manage mouthfuls before she was full; she was too scared and nervous to eat anymore. She wished she didn't have to make any decision. Why couldn't she be brave and say no? To follow her dreams and be with people she loved? Hearing her mind question her, she felt her heart beating in response. Did she really love the man who sat before her? Was it just a trick?

"How are you feeling this morning Natasha?" He asked finally finishing his conversation with Mercer who had silently left she looked up, she knew he didn't care, he was asking out of boredom or something. "Fine," She added in a lower tone. "I guess" Her eyes drifted to the window and watching the rain fall against the shards of glass however a strange melody floated into her mind…

_Now it feels like we're guessing  
and I don't know  
I could stay, or I could let you go.  
Now it feels like we're guessing,  
and I don't know  
could stay, or I could let you go.  
I don't wanna say that I've been wasting my time  
but it feels like we're guessing  
and I can't wait all of my life."_

Natasha could feel his eyes watch her, studying her. She knew the question was going to be asked but she couldn't bring herself to look at him. Why was it always hard on her? Why was it all the difficult problems left to her? Why was she all alone...? Those questions filled her with fear and anger. It felt like she as abandoned by everyone she knew and loved for a reason. A family curse maybe. If there was any simple reason why she didn't know the exact answer it remained a total mystery. Before anything happened, she was just a simple girl, wealthy yes but she would rather put the money to good use than spend it on herself and show off. She was nothing like the rest of the ladies, she wanted to travel the word, see places, and her heart disregarded that. But then the question came to, would she really be safe with him or was she better to take a risk and stand on the opposite line. She felt her grip tighten on the butter knife which was beside her she released it knowing it would do her no good he looked at her, his eyes like vultures staring at her like she was his dead carcass she wished she could take his eyes out with the butter knife but her anger wasn't the best option right now…

"I… Will marry you…"

She hesitated and he just smiled. Finally finding the courage she got up and left the room and all that could be heard throughout the manor was silence…

**A/N The Song is called Guessing By Against the current check them out guys and I dedicate this chapter to The rocker of the outlaws**


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen  
the darkness hidden inside of me

She stormed into his study; anger was seen in her eyes as they held fire. "Where is it?" she asked her anger coming through like a moth drawn to the candles. The only thing, the last shred of her normal life was gone... "Where is what?" he asked looking up from his work too see his young fiancé looking at him with rage in her eyes. "You bloody know what. My diary, the only important thing that is left of my family and my life! Her Blue eyes still had the rage inside of them "Where is it?" she managed to settle down but her eyes still contained the darkened flames of uncontrolled rage.

"How do I know?" he replied his tone was that of a man who had drunken too much but Natasha noticed his glass and the wine were still on the shelf, He had stood up which made her feel intimidated "Don't play innocent with me. I know you have it." Her voice wavered slightly was she falling for him when her defences were up? She turned her head in repentance. "Do you now? You really think you know me," he said walking over to the young woman "That I would steal whatever you are blaming that I stole from you? Now why would I do that?" Their eyes locked and all Natasha could hear was her own heart furiously controlling her own mind _"Don't you dare… please not this time" _She muttered then she found the confidence to speak to him especially at eye level. "Because you are a heartless, stone feeling, wig headed, pig who thinks he can do anything he damn pleases. I just want my diary back." Her eyes began to water but she flicked the tears away from her eyes before he had caught her…

"If I am those things you stated, then I could have you..." His eyes had turned vile, the same vileness she had seen in her dream three nights ago. She tried to escape but he had pulled her towards him and he whispered something into her ear. "Under me or you could stay by my side." Natasha couldn't move. It was like she had been forced upon him. What…?" Natasha flicked back a lock of her hair but in her mind she was shaking. He was cruel and awful but why would say those things? Was he trying to scare her?

"But you are still standing. You can see I am not those things..."

~Natasha's Bedroom~

The clock struck well past midnight and yet Natasha was still awake, the more times she tried to fall asleep her mind and heart denied her that pleasure. Grabbing her dressing gown from the side of her bed she headed out on to the balcony and she climbed on top of the balcony rail she finally felt the wind on her face and it wrapped around her loose brown hair. Is her heart is still in the past? She is still scared, alone and cold, but the more times she fights it off is when she is with people she cares about. Her stubbornness and anger is driving her life to ruin

If Only you could change your fate. Would You?

It was her fault. She weren't born like this. She couldn't help. She had no control over it. Was she a monster? Did her actions made her a monster or did they show she was afraid? She did not know. All she wanted was friends and family, but she drove them all way, she had no one but herself, and now she had no control over her life.

What had he done…


	14. Chapter fourteen

Chapter fourteen  
Trapped

A/N This chapter is going to be a bit darker than usual Sorry about it and this chapter is going to a be a bit well 'serious' set five days after chapter thirteen All rights to Disney and Natasha belongs to me

I knew what I'd done as soon as the door closed. Natasha made a deal with the devil, that devil being her future husband. After the fighting in the woods she was exhausted, both mentally and psychically her knees buckled underneath her and then she landed on the carpet blood soaking already red lips and her pale arms...

"Running away isn't going to change anything you do know that?" He looked directly at her but in his eyes all he could see was a fighter. "Why don't you just leave me alone," Natasha weakly stood up but her legs couldn't support her fully. "You don't understand why I'm running do you? You are just a damn bully who thinks about himself and nobody else!" she felt her legs collapse again but that time he had caught her. The poor woman couldn't even see a way out of this mess not this time at least…

She stared into the darkness before darkness had encompassed her…

_~Dream~_

_"Why am I in a field of Flowers?"_

_Natasha Pushed herself upright, her hair covered in_ _Chrysanthemums and lilies. She shook her head and began to walk off. The place was familiar to her far too familiar in her eyes. It suddenly clicked in her mind; the chrysanthemums were always in bloom back home. _

_Home where was it now? She sighed in discontent…_

_"Emily sweetheart please wait for us!" She spun around and saw herself and a little girl she saw him watching the pair of them march though the field but then she felt herself being pulled far away from him the girl and herself. Where was she going now…?_

Her eyelids flickered open, sunlight streaming through the windows for some odd reason she enjoyed the company she was with but something wasn't sitting with her. They were cuddling which was... Well new. Something she wouldn't associate with him or herself but with that though he had awoken beside her

Natasha couldn't look at him embarrassment and another emotion mixing in. Was it love? He moved a lock of her hair away from eyes before kissing her forehead... "Good... Morning..." she had said however She stayed silent, unsure what to do or to say. What to do people do in this situation. Normally in that situation people knew they were in love.

"How are we this morning?" he asked in response Natasha just smiled. Even though she hated the man he was nice, He didn't look anything like she expected. "I'm fine" she replied sleepily her hair falling in front of her face again but he could still see her smiling. Natasha just rested her head on the pillow her thoughts drifting in and out of her mind. She had fallen asleep again, she didn't even realise that he had left but she couldn't care. Something was plaguing her like crazy but she couldn't put it to words.

Had he changed her or was she changing herself? Time would have to see…


	15. Authors note

Authors Note

Hi my lovely readers I have to apologise for the lack of updates on this story. Sometime this month or next month i will be rewriting this story so it is better than before I apologise if i have kept you on the edge of your seat

The angel of darkness132


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